It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
