is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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