shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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