I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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