This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
