never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize