So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize