he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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