If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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