I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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