I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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