A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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