I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
