You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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