Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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