Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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