no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
