you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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