we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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