I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
