please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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