I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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