I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
And then he peed in my hair
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