I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
