I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
