it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
she peed on how many people?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
