So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
