so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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