I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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