She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
