I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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