I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
