Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
