I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
