I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
