if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
