I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
