he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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