I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she woke up with a sticky ear
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
