they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
