We're like a lot better than the average bears
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
