Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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