Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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