He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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