Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
