also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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