Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
