I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
