i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
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i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
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It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize