Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
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After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
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Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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