That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
