Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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