the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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