Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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