I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
