apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
