yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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