Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
