4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
