I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
