you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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