Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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