Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
