No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I want her autograph on my taint
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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