I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
