OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
