I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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