she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
