I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
