i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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