When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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