Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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