I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
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Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
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