Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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