I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
