I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
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Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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