My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
